Let’s Talk: Raising Our Kids with Less Anxiety and More Peace

Hey girl hey! Let’s have a heart-to-heart about something real—something that’s shaping us and our babies, even when we don’t realize it.

You ever catch yourself getting irritated, overwhelmed, or anxious over the smallest thing? Maybe your heart races when your child has a meltdown, or you find yourself reacting just like your parents did—even though you swore you wouldn’t?

The truth is, a lot of the stress we carry as Black women didn’t start with us. It started in childhood, in environments that made us feel unsafe, unseen, or unsupported. And if we’re not careful, we pass that stress right down to our kids—not because we don’t love them, but because we weren’t taught another way.

But, here’s the good news: we can do this differently. We can break the cycle and raise our babies in a way that helps their brains develop for peace, not just survival.

How Childhood Stress Changes the Brain (and Why We Should Care)

Our brains develop based on our early experiences. If a child grows up in a stressful, chaotic, or unpredictable environment, their brain gets wired for survival instead of security.

1. When Stress Becomes the Norm

When kids experience constant stress—whether from yelling, harsh discipline, instability, or emotional neglect—their amygdala (the brain’s alarm system) gets stuck on high alert. This means:
🚨 They grow up anxious, jumpy, or overly sensitive to stress.
🚨 They might react aggressively or shut down completely.
🚨 They struggle with emotional regulation because their brain is wired to expect danger.

2. When They Can’t Calm Down

The prefrontal cortex (the part that helps with self-control and decision-making) develops slower in children who grow up under stress. This means:
😣 They struggle to calm themselves down when upset.
😣 They have a hard time thinking things through before reacting.
😣 They might seem “difficult” or “defiant,” when really, they’re just overwhelmed.

3. When Their Nervous System is Always On Edge

Chronic stress in childhood leads to higher cortisol levels (the stress hormone), making it harder to relax—even when they’re safe. This means:
💭 They might worry constantly about things that seem small.
💭 They could have trouble sleeping or concentrating.
💭 They may struggle with confidence, always expecting something to go wrong.

Does any of this sound familiar? If it does, don’t feel guilty. Feel empowered. Now that we know better, we can do better.

How We Can Raise Emotionally Healthy Kids

We don’t have to be perfect to break these cycles—we just have to be intentional. Here’s how we can raise kids who feel safe, secure, and emotionally strong:

1. Build a Secure Attachment

A secure attachment means your child trusts that you are their safe place—no matter what. It doesn’t mean you let them get away with everything, but it does mean they don’t have to earn your love.

How to build it:
✔ Respond to their emotions with patience (even when it’s hard).
✔ Validate their feelings instead of dismissing them (“I see you’re upset. It’s okay to feel that way.”).
✔ Be consistent—kids need predictability to feel safe.

2. Model Emotional Regulation

If we want our kids to handle stress well, we have to show them how. That means:
✔ Taking deep breaths instead of yelling.
✔ Pausing before reacting.
✔ Saying, “Mommy is feeling frustrated right now, so I’m going to take a minute to calm down.”

When they see us handle emotions with grace, they learn to do the same.

3. Break the “Tough Love” Cycle

Many of us grew up hearing:
❌ “Stop crying before I give you something to cry about.”
❌ “You’re too sensitive.”
❌ “Toughen up.”

But, that’s not love—that’s survival parenting. It teaches kids to suppress emotions instead of processing them.

Instead, try:
💡 “It’s okay to cry, but let’s figure out how to handle this together.”
💡 “I see you’re struggling—how can I help?”
💡 “I love you no matter what.”

This doesn’t make them weak—it makes them resilient.

4. Teach Coping Skills Early

Instead of punishing kids for emotional outbursts, let’s teach them what to do with their big feelings:
🌀 Deep breathing when they’re upset.
🎨 Drawing or journaling to process emotions.
🏃🏽‍♀️ Movement (jumping, stretching) to release stress.
💬 Talking about what’s wrong instead of bottling it up.

This helps their brain build healthy stress responses instead of unhealthy ones.

5. Create a Safe and Predictable Home Environment

Kids thrive when they know what to expect. If home is chaotic, their nervous system stays on edge. Simple ways to create security:
🏡 Set routines for meals, bedtime, and mornings.
📖 Have predictable family traditions (movie nights, Sunday dinners, etc.).
🗣 Communicate openly so they know what’s going on.

When home feels safe, kids develop confidence instead of fear.

Breaking Generational Trauma Starts With Us

Let’s be real—many of us didn’t grow up with these tools. We were taught to be strong, to push through, to keep going. But we don’t have to raise our kids the way we were raised.

It’s okay if you’re still healing while trying to parent differently. It’s okay if you mess up sometimes. What matters is that you’re trying.

Every time you choose patience over yelling,
Every time you validate their feelings instead of shutting them down,
Every time you take a deep breath before reacting—

You are breaking cycles.

And, that? That is powerful.

Let’s raise a generation of emotionally strong, resilient, and loved Black children. Because they deserve it—and so do we.