Small island living—it’s charming, picturesque, and close-knit. But let’s be real, it also means you’ll see everyone you know everywhere—including your ex. Not just once in a while, but at the grocery store (because there’s only one), the gas station, the beach, and even in line for roti.

For one mom I worked with, this was less a rom-com and more of a daily test of patience. She’d moved on, life was good, but her kids? They still adored her ex. Every time they saw him, their faces lit up like he was their superhero.

The twist? He wasn’t the bad guy. He was a steady, positive figure in their lives—a “bonus parent” who showed up when it counted.

Why Kids Stay Attached

From a parenting perspective, this makes total sense. A child’s attachment to someone who’s been a caregiver—whether biological or not—doesn’t vanish with a breakup. In fact, it’s a sign of a secure, healthy bond.

Kids don’t think in terms of sides or loyalty. For them, it’s about safety, love, and connection. Research even shows that keeping these relationships intact can help children feel more emotionally secure and resilient during big life changes.

Why It’s Tough for Parents

Even when it’s good for the kids, it can be hard for the parent. Here’s why:

• Jealousy: Watching your kids bond with someone from your past can sting.
• Grief: You may mourn the family moments you used to share.
• Guilt: Feeling frustrated or upset about the situation can lead to self-judgment.

These emotions are completely valid. There’s even a term for this—disenfranchised grief—mourning something others don’t really recognize, like the loss of shared parenting with a former partner.

The good news? These feelings don’t have to control the story.

What Parents Can Do

1. Reframe the Ex as an Ally

Your kids’ relationship with your ex isn’t a threat—it’s an asset. Think of it as extra support for their emotional growth. It’s like the “village” approach to parenting.

Your kids are getting the best version of your ex, and that’s a win for everyone.

2. Validate Your Feelings

Feeling awkward, annoyed, or resentful doesn’t make you a bad parent—it makes you human.

Tip: Process your emotions in a healthy way. Whether it’s therapy, journaling, or talking with a trusted friend, giving yourself space to work through these feelings helps keep them from creeping into your parenting.

3. Focus on the Kids’ Needs

At the end of the day, it’s about what’s best for your kids. Positive role models—whether it’s you, the ex, or someone else—help them feel secure and loved.

Reminder: When your kids light up around the ex, it’s not about replacing you—it’s about their own sense of connection.

4. Set Boundaries That Work

Boundaries protect both your mental health and your kids’ relationship with the ex.

How to set healthy boundaries:

• Define roles: You’re the parent; the ex is a supportive figure.
• Communicate expectations: Let the ex know what’s appropriate (e.g., public run-ins are fine, but regular home visits may not be).
• Avoid triangulation: Keep the focus on the kids, not on conflicts between you and the ex.

5. Model Emotional Maturity

Your kids are watching how you handle these situations. Showing grace—even when it feels awkward—teaches them about respect, resilience, and emotional regulation.

Pro Tip: Even if it feels a bit forced at first, taking the high road in front of your kids is worth it.

Navigating Small Island Life

Living in a tight-knit community adds extra pressure. On an island, everybody seems to know everybody’s business, which can make these situations feel even more intense.

Reminder: Most people are too busy with their own lives to pay attention to yours. Focus on what matters—your mental health and your family’s happiness—and let the rest fade into the background.

The Takeaway: When Kids Win, Everyone Wins

Your kids’ love for the ex isn’t a failure or a sign of divided loyalty. It’s proof that they’ve had consistent, positive relationships in their lives—and that’s something to celebrate.

Small island life may force you to cross paths with your ex more than you’d like, but it’s also a chance to grow. The next time you see them at the grocery store or the beach, take a deep breath. Smile. Wave.

Because when your kids are happy and secure, everyone wins.